Bye Amsterdam

November 9, 2009 - One Response

Doeidoei

Goodbye Amsterdam. Byebye mushrooms, red light district, Ooorlaaam, vietsen jaaten, tieten, tips, geyle neuqsex, what a lekkere wife, beer, redhead, roommaid, oldtimer, blond en blond, angry girl in red coat from Utrecht, weed, haa-sjees, so me teen, fingerbanging, Runkle-look-a-likes, gay men in purple pants, studentchicks, headache, terrible wheater, motherfucking public transport, funny Euro, satan, sweet Jesus. See you Hank Moody, back to LA, back to hell. Hank Moody hates you all.

More drugs

November 8, 2009 - Leave a Response

I can’t get over how the Dutch government is full of Christians who want to cut down on drug use. How can you be Christian and NOT condone drug use? What do you think Moses was doing when he was talking to God? The burning bush is the bush he was smoking. And Jesus looked like a pothead and acted like he was on ecstasy half the time. Even now you’ve got the Pope and his incense ball throwing smoke out all over the place. So how can you tell me I can’t have a cigarette?

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Mushrooms

November 7, 2009 - Leave a Response

/me

Amsterdam. For a town that professes to be the Drug Capital of the Western World, it can hard to find the stuff. Start with the hash bars. As John Travolta said in Pulp Fiction, “It’s IL-legal for the cops to search you. That’s a right the police actually don’t have.” Well, they sure do now. I didn’t have my passport with me and almost got arrested. Instead, I got her phone number. (she’s off work at midnight.)

But magic mushrooms? Anyone who decided to ban mushrooms must have been on mushrooms. They’ve got the word ‘Magic’ right on them – Who wants to ban magic? That’s like banning Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny, or Any Enjoyment in Life.

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Sunday Hank Moody book-signing!

November 6, 2009 - Leave a Response

Sunday: Book-Signing. Hank Moody @ American Book Center, Amsterdam

The famous writer Hank Moody of the hit show Californication pays a brief visit to Amsterdam and will sign copies of his best seller, “God Hates Us All.”

Sunday, 8 november in The American Book Center Amsterdam at 15.00 hours.

Hank Moody is a New York writer who moved to Los Angeles for the film version of his book “God Hates Us All.” The book was turned into the film “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” starring Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and was a huge success. Moody’s second book was delayed, after a creative block from viewing the film. Instead, Moody wrote a popular blog in Los Angeles and wrote a (not yet released) biography of the popular music producer Lew Ashby.

Moody is currently writing about his stay in Amsterdam.

And Hank Moody can be accessed via Twitter.

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Regularsweirdstraat

November 5, 2009 - Leave a Response

Took a wrong turn into a street called the ‘RegularsWeirdStraat’ or something like that. Only in Amsterdam is Weird regular. And, boy, were those boys weird. Sorry, I should say QUEER. And I mean that in the most politically incorrect sense. (For more on Hank’s flirtations with homosexuality, tune in to Season 3 Californication.) (Sorry for the shameless plug: That’s why I’m here.) (Seriously, Sunday Nov, 8 on Comedy Central.) I have nothing against homosexuals. Especially if my daughter decides to be one. But these guys last night, I’ve got to say there were some well-dressed lady-men. Good looking mother-fuckers. (again, I mean that in the most politically and anatomically incorrect sense).

Red Light District part II

November 5, 2009 - Leave a Response

As promised, today we discuss Natascha (not her real name), the most attractive prostitute I found in my tour of the Red Light District. And – by attractive – I mean not disgusting. As are many of the pros in their windows downtown.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not referring to any specific women as disgusting; it’s the whole process. There’s a reason they call them “sex workers.” For them it’s work. And they’re apparently very good at what they do. As you can judge by the friends of any john, who wait outside, usually not for very long. “Get ‘em in, get ‘em out.” If I wanted sex this devoid of passion, I could’ve stayed in LA.

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Red Light District Part 1

November 3, 2009 - 3 Responses

Natascha – the only pro in whose window I’d dare to go…”  

Yes, Dear Reader, Hank Moody visits the Red Light district in Amsterdam. How could I not? There is something deeply comforting knowing that a place like this exists in the world. Not just prostitution – which exists everywhere, even Utah – but a place that has the common sense to admit it. Amsterdam.

In America, Amsterdam is depicted as depraved and dangerous – a social experiment gone wrong, full of drug-injecting, baby-killing, baby-injecting terrorists. What they don’t tell us is that the city is historically beautiful, modern where it needs to be, relatively clean, and – above all – safe. Where in America would I find Marieke: a single, young, woman on her way home from the club alone at 2 in the morning? (don’t worry, I took good care of her) (until appx. 4:30 in the morning).

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Redhead

November 3, 2009 - 4 Responses

Shy she was, and she was called Irene – the redhead at reception. She laughed and avoided my gaze when I asked her for a room. She blushed when I asked for cocaine. She turned and bent down to do nothing more than show her ass.

She handed me my room keys: “I’ll bump in to you,” she said, with that slight, high voice. Then she grabbed the phone hook to pretend somebody had an urgent call. She ignored me out of the lobby, and I went.

Dutch girls are so nice, so shy, so easy. But a Dutch girl in bed is like driving a Porsche at 150 miles per hour. Getting there costs a few seconds, and your feel it, but once you’re there… Blood pressure, stiff, truth. Yihaaa! Until the end of the universe. Only Porsches will not be venereal.

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In Holland

November 1, 2009 - Leave a Response

Ouch! What a flight! British Midland is cheap but the stewardesses are horrible. Tired now, but already love Amsterdam! Where’s the minibar? Better ask the redheaded lobbychick, liked her Dutch shy conversationstyle anyway…More to come. I’ll update in the evening and on my twitter.

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